Because, you know...Alone in the Dark 1 was such a great film and all. Was it really necessary to make an even worse sequel to an already horrible film? This one is shockingly good at being completely worthless. The special effects were a complete mess. The acting was very hit or miss (some did a fairly decent job however it's not worth sticking up for them as they agreed to work on this filth). The story is all over the place. I've never seen a movie that felt like those involved realized nothing good was going to come of it so they just gave up and threw together what had been done and submitted it as a finished product. Now I have.

Uwe Boll's original video game adaptation of ALONE IN THE DARK was bad enough, but this sequel reaches new levels of low. Gone are Christian Slater and Tara Reid from the original film, jettisoned in favour of an entirely cheaper cast and an even more nonsensical storyline involving the hunt for a magical dagger and an evil witch.

Bizarrely, the central character of Edward Carnby has changed race, now being played by the Chinese-American actor Rick Yune. Carnby's very soul is in peril thanks to a sinister infection that causes some dodgy-looking veins to stick out of his chest, so a crack team must infiltrate a haunted manor and lay to rest the spirit of an evil witch who's causing all kinds of trouble.

This is a poorly-directed, poorly-written mess through and through, reliant on sub-par CGI and bad acting from beginning to end. All it can offer the viewer is a string of celebrity cameos from various personalities, so we get the likes of Bill Moseley, Jason Connery, former CONAN Ralf Moeller, and CARRIE's P.J. Soles. Even Danny Trejo shows up for just a single scene. Best of the lot is Lance Henriksen, who bags something of a meatier exposition-spouting role, but even he's on autopilot, and nothing about ALONE IN THE DARK 2 is good.