...not because Travolta is in dreds, not because of the alleged scientology subliminal messages, but because it is one of the worst movies ever made.

I do not use that term lightly. I consider myself a lover of bad movies, movies that can be enjoyed for their lack of success. "Battlefield Earth" goes well beyond that into the realm of slow torturous pain.

I saw this movie because I expected it to be bad, and even I was shocked at how bad it was. Just plain bad. In nearly every respect.

I suppose I should note that the ear-bleeding sound effects sounded pretty realistic. And they were loud. So the guy who did the sound shouldn't be ashamed. Everyone else that worked on this movie, bow your heads.

Director Roger Christian has put together one of the worst movies sci-fi or otherwise that I have seen. Loaded with uninteresting characters, a dumb plot, ridiculous gaping holes in logic, terrible direction, only so-so special effects, and a huge length for a movie this bad (over two hours), "Battlefield Earth" is already being compared to "Plan 9 From Outer Space." In my book, it's a fair comparison.

Take the direction. Sure Ed Wood had no clue what he was doing, but at least he pointed the camera directly at the actors when they talked. Christian decides he's going to be original and tilt the camera at least 45 degrees everytime someone says anything. The whole movie I was tilting my head side to side, trying to keep up.

The effects, well "Plan 9" had pie tins in strings. "Battlefield Earth" has a couple of nifty CGI effects, but the final length battle sequence is filmed in a very dark blue setting, rendering it impossible to see who is shooting who at any given moment. Of course, even if I had known it wouldn't have made much of a difference because I really didn't care about any of the characters one way or another.

Gaping continuity? Well, "Plan 9" had scenes in cars that began in the day, then turned to night when people got out of the cars. In "Battlefield Earth", the Psychlos can discover gold veins in difficult to reach mountains, but somehow totally miss out on Fort Knox, still completely stocked with gold 1,000 years in the future. Cavemen learn not only to speak and work together, but operate Harrier jets within a week. How did they learn you ask? Well on a Harrier jet flight simulator of course, somehow still working on electricity 1,000 years in the future. More? The cavemen communicate with walkie-talkies in the final battle. How do they still work? They found fresh batteries? Next Duracels I see, they better say "Best if used before 3005."

Is "Battlefield Earth" worse than "Plan 9"? I'd have to say yes. "Plan 9" is so cheesy and goofy you have to laugh. Just fun to watch. After about an hour of "Earth" I wanted to hurt someone. After two hours and it was still going, I wanted to hurt myself. Avoid, even for lovers of dumb movies.