It isn't the speed of the train rolling your eyes to the back of your head, but the ridiculous dialog and obnoxious characterizations of practically everybody in this movie, a rip-off of a Brad Pitt blockbuster, involving a speeding train with major speed capabilities that are threatened with destruction should the train go under a certain mph thanks to a bomb aboard on the maiden voyage. This seems to be obsessed with pushing social media and the most cliched and ridiculous of modern narcissist behaviors, evidenced through the vapid young characters with fried brains doing nothing but taking selfies and posting them while arguing.

A tiny model train is supposed to represent the passenger train, a genuine laugh that occurs during the opening scene where the unseen villain shows what will happen to the rest of the train should inventor Xavier Bailey not pay what the saboteurs are demanding. This of course leads to arguments over keeping the train going at its speed or stopping, which makes the supposedly ultra smart engineers and conductors sound like absolute idiots. The action is non-stop, but the presentation heavy handed and difficult to stomach after a while. If Asylum films have accomplished anything, it's convincing the rest of the world that American society is vapid, pathetic and totally self involved. American viewers should be spared such representation with ridiculous trash like this distorting society. Save yourself the agony. Take "The Big Bus" (1976) instead.

Without any huge Hollywood stars. Bad CGI. Predictable plot. (Spoiler alert......the character with two names in the credits is the bad guy)

There's a billionaire that cares about peoples lives. Sizemore could have phoned in his part. Evacuation of the rear cars didn't seem to create a seating shortage in the forward compartments.

Plenty of stock footage of emergency equipment. A police escort for a.motorcade that had nothing to do with the plot. Police cars driving down residential streets. Emergency vehicles gathering on parcade rooftops. None of which seemed to play into the scenario.

You won't be missing anything if you skip this one.

When I saw the title of this 2022 movie, I must admit that my thoughts were immediately 'okay, The Asylum is now cashing in on the Bullet Train movie'. Yet, I still opted to give "Bullet Train Down" a chance, on the account of it being a movie that I hadn't seen, nor actually ever heard about prior to sitting down to watch.

And my initial thoughts were true, because this movie was The Asylum cashing in on the Brad Pitt movie "Bullet Train", except they also rip off "Speed". Yeah, the storyline in "Bullet Train Down" is a blantant rip off of the old Keanu Reeves movie "Speed", except this story takes place on a bullet train and not on a bus. So much for originality from writer Alex Heerman, huh?

While The Asylum definitely have a lot of dubious movies to their name, then I will honestly say that "Bullet Train Down" wasn't all that bad. Cheesy and corny, sure, but it was watchable and entertaining enough for the cheese that it was. Not exactly a great movie, mind you.

The acting performances in the movie were somewhat all over the place. Some of the actors and actresses couldn't muster a performance that would fool a blind man, while others were doing all the heavy lifting and carrying the movie almost singlehandedly. Rashod Freelove definitely carried the movie with his performance, alongside with Xander Bailey. Tom Sizemore was the only familiar face for me on the cast list, but his acting in this movie was just laughably bad and wooden.

Visually then "Bullet Train Down" was actually an okay movie, especially taking into consideration some of the numerous older movies that The Asylum have been churning out. Sure, you're not in for a CGI spectacle here, but the CGI effects worked well enough in favor of the movie. However, it should be noted that you will not buy into believing that the movie ever took place inside a train, because the sets were just so horribly amateurish and looked like they cleared out someone's living room and built up what was supposed to be the cabin of a bullet train. It just didn't fool anyone.

"Bullet Train Down" is the type of movie that you will watch once, then shelf it, forget about and never bring it out to see the light of day ever again.

My rating of director Brian Novak's 2022 movie "Bullet Train Down" lands on a four out of ten stars.