I'll never tell - in case you have not seen the Michael Douglas movie I am referencing here (with my trademark no pun intended line). And why you ask am I even thinking of that? Because of the (I reckon one of the many?) title of course: Caligula 2: the Untold Story. Also the untrue story apparently! I could not have told or said so myself (would not call myself a history buff in that regard), but the screenwriter himself says so.

He was on the disc talking about the movie and about the political and other stuff in it. And I like the political and social commentary the movie has. Actually if it dug deeper into that - if it poked that instead of ... well other holes it fills (sorry had to) ... there would have been an even better movie.

I do not think that the "hardcore" stuff in this were necessary. I was surprised to see a scene with a horse here that I thought was exclusive to the Black Emmanuelle series of movies. I have not seen that movie were it is supposed to be in and maybe it is explicit in that one (because the version I saw here, did not show the horrible thing you may imagine - and I imagine for the better ... no pun intended).

But let's not get off that stuff ... no way let us get off that stuff. You know what I mean. The acting is ok, though there are so many different versions of this, I doubt any actor knew what was happening at all times. Which I guess makes the performances even better. Again, there is some really good stuff here and I like what the screenwriter had to say in his interview about the movie and about current people in power (or who were in power and try to get back in power)! There is some interesting stuff here.

But you really have to have a .... well hard skin? Is that how one would describe it? You can't be easily offended for sure - there is a reason you need to tell imdb show me all the titles to find this - or use a search engine of course to come ... to this page. Sorry for another pun - I doubt this will ... well arouse you in that way, but far be it from me to tell you what makes your day ... or doesn't.

After the original Caligula the movie had to up the ante ... there are some truly horrific stuff in this. The make up effects are quite good. Again not sure what version you might have watched or want to watch ... but you can check what you missed or buy the blu ray that is out and has almost everything in it - and if not it is in the deleted scenes. "Enjoy" may not be the right word ... experience more like it (or don't like it)

In the aftermath of the notorious Tinto Brass cult-favorite exploitation-epic, filmmaker Joe D'Amato came up with his own answer of sorts, focusing on the brutal reign of the impossibly cruel and pompous young emperor, played to perfection by boyishly handsome David Brandon. A feisty Moor warrior, Miriam (cult movie goddess Laura Gemser) embarks on a mission of vengeance when Caligula has a friend of hers killed - only to develop genuine feelings for Caligula. He, in turn, seems to feel genuine love for her - a rarity for a man of his "character".

D'Amato does seem to take himself pretty seriously at times, actually focusing on the story as well as the behind-the-scenes intrigues, as various men plot to dethrone their evil ruler. However, all of that is thrown out the window for sequences that are 100% pure exploitation, complete with lots of oral sex and a memorable scene involving a horse. These scenes go on for an awfully long time before D'Amato returns to the story and shows us how Caligulas' feelings for Miriam lead to his downfall.

Utter trash like this is obviously NOT for all tastes, and, in truth, I found it a little uneven. It does have its moments, of course, and the supporting cast and the music are good. But the film goes on too long for its own good, as it insists on portraying just how decadent Caligulas' empire is.

There's sex, nudity, and graphic violence aplenty, as well as an effective opening in which a would-be assassin (played by future director Michele Soavi of "Cemetery Man" fame) is punished for daring to get rid of Caligula. The demise of another character is truly one for the ages, and similar to a killing in another Euro-sleaze favorite, "Black Candles".

While I found this to be fairly entertaining, I'd still have to go with "Buio Omega" as my favorite effort from D'Amato.

Five out of 10.

This is really pretty dreadful and runs, in this complete version, for over two hours! It starts well enough but D'Amato tries too hard here, both high and low. We have hardcore (including what must be a half hour hardcore orgy!) we have very wordy exchanges that suggest this might have been intended as vaguely serious and when finally Laura Gemser gets into position to kill the man, she falls in love! Even without the extraordinary scene with the fat lady having sex with the horse, or the anal tortures, or the oft repeated and fairly meaningless dream sequences this would make little sense. So why the protracted attempt anyway, just stick to the sex and violence and we could have been out in under 90 minutes but no Mr D'Amato had to imitate the Caesar and go just that big bit too far.