Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Death and Porridge

2024

Horror / Thriller

7
Rotten Tomatoes Critics - Certified Fresh 75%
Rotten Tomatoes Audience - Upright 75% · 500 ratings
IMDb Rating 2.1/10 10 1909 1.9K

based on fairy tale goldilocks & the three bears independent film low budget

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Plot summary

A group of friends on a rural getaway must fight for their lives against vengeful masked versions of the fairy tale characters.

Director

Craig Rees Photo
Craig Rees

Top cast

Robson Medler Photo
Robson Medler as Daddy Bear
Mali Crowley Photo
Mali Crowley as Tortured Teenager
Susan Franks Photo
Susan Franks as Jamie
Grace Darling Smith Photo
Grace Darling Smith as Baby Bear
720p.WEB 1080p.WEB 1080p.WEB.x265
758.28 MB
1280*534
English 2.0
NR
Subtitles us  
25 fps
1 hr 22 min
Seeds 8
1.37 GB
1920*800
English 2.0
NR
Subtitles us  
25 fps
1 hr 22 min
Seeds 14
1.23 GB
1920*800
English 2.0
NR
Subtitles us  
25 fps
1 hr 22 min
Seeds 5

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by lailaarantza 1 / 10

A LESSON IN HOW NOT TO MAKE FILMS!

This film serves as a prime example of how not to make a movie, failing on every conceivable level. The plot is a chaotic mess, lacking coherence and direction, which alienates the audience from the outset. The acting is so dreadful it feels like the performers were deliberately sabotaging the production, showcasing a complete lack of casting and direction. The pacing is excruciatingly slow, turning the film into a torturous slog that tests the viewer's patience. Special effects are laughably amateurish, resembling a low-budget student project, which detracts from any potential immersion.Directorial choices are baffling, with disjointed scenes and confusing transitions that disrupt any narrative flow. The dialogue is cringe-worthy, failing to elicit any genuine humor or emotion, highlighting poor writing and lack of creativity. This film is an insult to the original tale and a waste of time for the audience. It demonstrates the importance of coherent storytelling, competent acting, skilled direction, and polished production values in filmmaking. Avoid at all costs.
Reviewed by modcubqbq 1 / 10

RATHER WATCH PAINT DRY

Craig Rees' "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" is an abomination in the realm of filmmaking. It's a travesty that makes a mockery of the cherished fairy tale. The script is an incoherent mess, and the acting is so wooden it makes cardboard look expressive. The pacing is torturous, turning a short story into an endless slog. Special effects are laughably bad, rivaling those of a subpar high school project. Dialogue is painfully awkward, as if written by someone who has never heard a real conversation. Rees' direction is devoid of any vision, creativity, or competence. This film is an insult to viewers and a disgrace to the story it tries to tell. Avoid it like the plague.
Reviewed by arlingtonvinn 1 / 10

Would rather be malled in the face by a bear than watch this again!

Watching "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" feels like stepping into a cinematic bear trap set by Craig Rees. Known more for his lackluster acting career and never having held a real job, Rees's latest directorial attempt is another swing and a miss. It's as if he's trying to prove that he can fail spectacularly in multiple arenas of the film industry.The plot is thinner than Goldilocks's excuses for breaking into the bears' home, and the direction is as misguided as a bear trying to ride a bicycle. Scenes meander aimlessly, leaving viewers wondering if Rees accidentally swapped the script with his grocery list. The pacing lumbers along like a bear waking up from hibernation-slow, confused, and desperately in need of coffee.The CGI bears are a special kind of awful. They look like they were cobbled together using 90s video game graphics, failing to convey any sense of realism. They're about as convincing as Rees's attempts to remain relevant in an industry that has clearly moved on. Speaking of relevance, Rees himself hasn't aged well-he looks more like a relic from the past than a current filmmaker, and it shows in his work.The cast tries their best, but even the finest actors can't polish a script this rough. Their performances are overshadowed by the sheer absurdity of the film, leaving audiences cringing rather than entertained. It's like watching a community theater production gone horribly wrong, where the audience is too polite to leave but secretly wishes they had.In the end, "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" serves as a reminder that sometimes, it's better to stick to what you know-or in Rees's case, maybe consider a career change entirely. This film is a testament to unfulfilled potential and misguided ambition. Save yourself the pain and avoid this cinematic catastrophe at all costs.
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