I'm not quite sure how an 85 minute version of Amleth's story can seem longer than Kenneth Branaugh's five hour Hamlet, but somehow it does. Sadly, most of the time is yawningly empty except for lovely panoramics of the Danish countryside. The script is atrocious, making the rather dynamic Viking story of Amleth into some sort of whack emo coming of age story for (admittedly super hot) Christian Bale. Narration runs over the entire story (perhaps Brian Cox's turn in Adaptation was some sort of penance for being in this movie), but the scenes present are so badly shot one becomes grateful for skipping the rest via obnoxious voice-over.

So what gets this movie four stars? A fabulous cast, even if they are completely and entirely under-utilized. Brian Cox alone pretty much makes up for everything else lacking in the viewing experience. Helen Mirren's part is especially thin, but she does manage to get her top off, so core audience will be pleased. Christian Bale does well with a few moments where there actually are lines written, but his 'acting mad' schtick is tiresome, and unlike Helen, he doesn't get to show off topless (he is naked in one scene, but you see nothing... sigh). Kate Beckinsale is barely in the movie, but at least one can see the old nose, the old eyebrows, and the now missing freckles, and remember how cute as a button she used to be before she went Hollywood. Gabriel Byrne is mehh, mainly just sounding like an odd ripoff of Sean Bean. The real fun is his henchmen, a veritable cornucopia of 'where are they now' - we have Spud, Gollum, and Mr. Weasley! I can't honestly say that any of them have a part as written, but it's definitely worthwhile to see all of them so young (and in Serkis' case, thin!!!). Lastly, Batman Begins fans will be amused to see Tom Wilkinson cast as Bale's father, and remembering Wilkinson's 'they say he begged... like a dawg' line made a minute or two of this movie very nearly fun.

Movie is recommended if: you think Christian Bale is hot (100% satisfaction) you have to watch Brian Cox's filmography (78% satisfaction) you want to see Helen Mirren's golden globes (50% satisfaction) you are a Hamlet completist (60% satisfaction) you are planning a trip to Denmark (31% satisfaction)

Movie is NOT recommended if: you thought Cars was 'kinda draggy in the middle' (99% hatred) you have a Viking fetish (77% hatred) you like watching movies with a budget (65% hatred) you think Gabriel Byrne's redheaded accomplice is that guy from Dodgeball and First Knight (21% hatred) you just watched Underworld and want to see more of that Selene chick (40% hatred)

Although I found the movie a little short, and some of the fighting scenes almost laughable, I found the acting incredibly well done..particularly by Gabriel Byrne (after seeing him in Little Women first I didn't know if he could pull of an evil character..he does!) I also found Christian Bales acting one of the best that I have seen in a long time..his knack for accents has been mentioned so many times it's getting almost annoying (not the accent..the mention of it..) but I was quite pleasantly pleased to find out just how good Christian Bale was at acting like a lunatic..with all the talent that he has, it's surprising that he doesn't have all of Hollywood chasing after him to be in their films!

Call this Prince of Jutland, call it Royal Deceit, the only thing tragic about this film is the terrible waste of some very talented people. Christian Bale-heads in particular will be sad to see him in this retelling of the Hamlet legend from material presumably closer to the source, but stuck with a screenplay that hasn't an ounce of poetry and cinematography that wouldn't do for a TV movie of the week. Bale applies himself manfully, as does Gabriel Byrne, but one is embarrassed for them speaking thudding dialogue. Greatest embarrassment of all perhaps is rendered the great Helen Mirren who, like her co-stars, gives it her U.K. all, but is undermined by a tackiness of production and a cast of extras who mill around like location gawkers in medieval drag. Please. Spare us.