When you were nine years old, it was perfectly believable that a rabbit Wizard would assist a young rabbit to be a patriotic hero who will save other rabbits and animals. Yep, totally legit! However, revisiting this film as an adult induces frequent groans at the dialogue and the silliness of the story- not to mention our hero is called American Rabbit which suggests patriotism is important for the rabbit population.

Okay, I remember 'The Adventures of American Rabbit' being released at the cinemas back in the 80s, and it disappeared during the 90s. Admittedly, I had fonder memories of this forgotten flick, but I guess I was so enamoured by the trailers at the time, that I may have forgotten my disappointment. This is not a great animated film by any standard- especially upon a re-watch! It is worth noting that voice-great in Lorenzo Music (Garfield) was the voice of Ping the Gorilla, and other than that, this film is pretty lame. When the bad guy kidnaps the Chocolate Moose to control New York, this film had good from bad to worse. Hard to find a good quality version of this movie, and that is probably for the best.

** out of *****!

THE ADVENTURES OF THE American RABBIT is so incredibly un-noteworthy I'm vaguely obsessed with it. The idea that something this insubstantial could get a theatrical release is a bit amazing--but then again, I've seen THE OOGIELOVES. In a theater.

What can you really say about a film like this? The plot is so thin that the same things happen two or three times just to fill up the space--and a lot of what goes down is completely irrelevant. This could have been a one-hour TV special, no problem. There's nothing really approaching substance here.

Is there anything to recommend it? Curiosity, I guess. It's well- intentioned (more or less). The villain is kind of cool-looking. It's weird and illogical enough as a whole to be worth laughing at. It's a film called THE ADVENTURES OF THE American RABBIT and it actually got shown in theaters. You can watch it on Netflix, on YouTube, or do your best to imagine it based on the bare plot summary.

If you were stuck watching this, it would be preferable to chewing off your own leg. It would even be preferable to being knocked unconscious. But...yeah.

Robert "Rob" Rabbit (Barry Gordon) is born in a small town and grows up showing an aptitude for sports and piano. When Rob miraculously saves his parents from a falling bolder by transforming into a star-spangled superhero, a wise mentor (Hal Smith) appears to tell him he is inheritor of the legacy of the American Rabbit and is destined to become a great hero. Now in possession of this great power Rob sets off into the world and heads to San Francisco where he finds a job as a piano player for the rock and roll club the Panda-Monium owned by Teddy Panda (Bob Arbogast). However a gang of Jackal bikers demanding protection money trash the club after teddy's refusal to pay. With no way to rebuild the Panda-Monium, Teddy, Rob, and the rest of the Panda-Monium staff decide to take the house band The White Brothers on tour of the United States to raise funds to rebuild while the Jackals' crime boss Vultor (Ken Mars) plots against them.

American Rabbit is based upon illustrations by Stewart Moskowitz that became popular throughout the 70s and 80s on posters and greeting cards. Moskowitz' illustrations were particularly popular in Japan which inspired Japanese investors to finance a co-production between Toei Animation and Murakami-Wolf-Swenson Films. There was no story behind any of Moskowtz' illustrations, so writer Norman Lenzer was tasked with building a story around Moskowitz' characters and building a narrative incorporating them. The movie was distributed by the short-lived Clubhouse Pictures label of Atlantic Records' also short-lived theatrical venture Atlantic Releasing where it opened far outside the top 10 in February of 1986 alongside other Clubhouse releases like Adventures of Mark Twain and a re-issue of Hey There, It's Yogi Bear! Which had almost twice the gross of American Rabbit. The film has mostly fallen into obscurity these days with the only major point of public interest being in its relation to a certain internet celebrity whom I'll not name. The movie isn't terribly made, but it also doesn't feel like a movie.

American Rabbit makes it pretty obvious from the beginning it takes great inspiration from Superman. With Rob Rabbit's alliterative name, Rob wearing glasses while American Rabbit doesn't, it's pretty much Superman in all but costume and species (and position I guess since he's a piano player and not a reporter). As far as a setup for children's entertainment it's fine, but everything from the villains to the very episodic structure of the movie feels like you're binging a TV show rather than a film. The overall structure of the movie goes like this: Rob Rabbit and the Panda-Monium staff go somewhere, stumble into a trap by Vultor and the Jackals, Rob does his Clark Kent style disappearing act to become American Rabbit to save the day, Vultor curses American Rabbit, repeat. That structure works fine for a 22 minute cartoon on Saturday Morning TV, but when you're watching a movie that goes through that structure about 3 times it feels inescapable to compare this to a children's cartoon on TV (Save for the animation which is a bit more fluid and polished but not theatrical). For a movie based on greeting cards with no real backstory it's better than something like the DiC season of Care Bears, The Get Along Gang, or Shirt Tales which were also based on greeting card characters, but if compared to The Care Bears Movie, despite its questionable internal logic, had a more cinematic structure (relatively speaking) and more atmosphere. There are the odd moments of brazen ridiculousness that lend themselves to laughter like the third encounter where Vultor concocts an evil plan involving chocolate (don't ask, it won't make sense) and we get some lines like "The road to power is paved with chocolate" or "First chocolate and then...THE WORLD!" that lend themselves to unintended hilarity, but for the most part the movie feels like one of those cartoons that would take up space between viewings of Thundercats and He-Man.

The Adventures of the American Rabbit isn't awful or poorly made, but there's nothing about it that feels like it belongs on a cinema screen. It's not ironic enough to be taken as parody and it's not smart enough to be taken in earnest. It's just a very middle of the road product. It isn't boring and there are moments that are kind of amusing like Lorenzo Music's supporting presence as Ping Pong the gorilla or Vultor's over the top declarations of villainy they're just moments. It's better than some greeting card adaptations, but that's really all you can give it.