Or maybe that's what it feels like. Anyway, "The Bat People" is about as flat as a rug, bland as a sack of flour and as exciting as a rock...and as intelligent as all three combined.

Okay, plot in a nutshell (fitting vessel, that...): a doctor (Moss) gets bitten by a bat while checking out a cave with his wife (McAndrew) and subsequently turns into a bat - well, not exactly a bat but a bat-like creature that looks more like a werewolf who kills his victims in a first-person camera viewpoint....

But then there's the business of the sheriff (Pataki), who is about the WORST kind of sheriff: the hick kind. He hassles people, he leers at married women, he steals handkerchiefs from haberdasheries (the FIEND!), he smokes with one of those cigarette holders in his mouth and talks at the same time, making him look and sound like Buford T. Justice in "Smokey and the Bandit" and (this is the worst part)... HE'S THE MOST LIKEABLE CHARACTER IN THE WHOLE FILM!

The whole film, though, is just TV movie-of-the-week-like crapola (guano, in this case). It's an AIP, for crying out loud! What did you expect, Oscar caliber stuff?

And what else can you say about a film that not even MST3K can save?

How about...no stars for "The Bat People", full version OR MST3K version!

By the way, if there's ever a sequel for this movie, I'm burying my TV.

Sure, this isn't a good movie but I've seen a heckuva lot worse. The prosthetic hand Stewart Moss wears looks good but his face makeup after his transformation makes him look less like a bat and more like the ugliest extra in the PLANET OF THE APES. The "Bat Man" doesn't even have wings. This movie would have been much better had they used a monster that looked something like those creepy bat people on the Marc Singer BEASTMASTER film.

This movie centers on married couple Stewart Moss and Marianne McAndrew, who are married in real life. Stewart is a scientist who plans on taking a side trip to a cave before he and the wife hit the slopes. When the old carnal desires strike a chord in Marianne, she sneaks her hubby off in the cavern for a little Neanderthal necking, but she slips down a hole and her hubby has to rescue her. In the midst of his rescue, he is bitten by a bat. The good scientist spends the rest of the film writhing about in hospital beds and motel rooms, and killing an occasional person here and there.

THE STORY: $$ (The story is far too formulaic and fails to give us any sympathetic characters. Marriane McAndrew is the closest thing to a sympathetic character we have in this film but she is brash at times, referring to her husband and a doctor she hardly knows as "children" to their faces. Also, she complains to Dr. Kipling (Paul Carr) about her husband's new violent streak after his bat attack but the script fails to deliver in that regard. His "violent streak" consists of him telling his wife, in a rather laid-back fashion, to stay away from him while he suffers throes of agony in a hot tub).

ACTING: $$ (Michael Pataki is the standout as the slimy Sgt. Ward who takes a great interest in the case. He is always on Stewart Moss' heels but is he more interesting in stopping a killer or bedding a distraught Miss McAndrew? Arthur Space as the drunk gives a very good performance and had me laughing. Marianne McAndrew does a fine job as the wife of a monster but Stewart Moss isn't all that convincing in his role as the main character).

NUDITY: $ (Marianne McAndrew is naked under the sheets but you don't see anything from her. The sex scene is one the strangest in cinema history. Near the end of the film, Marianne is getting busy with her man when he changes into his bat form midway through the Barry White ballad).