What seemed like a good idea at the time ends up being quite a disappointment on the big screen. Apart from a script that's heavy-laden with banal lines, too many ideas and moods, and a particularly wooden performance from Madonna (she only really shines a few times, it's a continuity-obsessed viewer's nightmare. At one time, Rupert tells us it's the 21st Century (how modern), yet a few scenes later, he's at a gravesite of a recently departed person, and the headstone says 1953 - 1992! Then, there's no apparent ageing or fashion changes in six years, and Madonna's comparing her breasts in 1999 to what they were in 1989! It's a dog's breakfast really. And the film does not satisfactorily address the whole gay parent issue. It tries to, but it keeps shying away from the more sensitive issues (such as explaining to Sam the son that his dad is gay, and why faggot is not a good term to describe him). And as for the totally unbelievable developments and the ridiculous supermarket scene, well, the less said the better. Abbie may have been looking for the next best thing, and she certainly got it with this film, a less successful copy of The Object of My Affection, which was, while still cheesy, had at least some credibility.

Although praised for her roles in the likes of Desperately Seeking Susan and Evita, The Nest Best Thing sees Madonna returning to the form of such previous mishaps as Body of Evidence and Dick Tracey.

The film tracks the relationship between broody yoga teacher Abbie (Madonna) and her gay best friend Robert (Rupert Everett), who end up in bed together following a rather over-zealous Fourth of July celebration. Although Robert agrees to help raise the resulting child, things become problematic when, several years on, Abbie meets and falls in love with Ben (the vastly underwritten Benjamin Bratt), who asks her to settle down with him.

Although there is some on-screen chemistry between Madonna and Everett, the audience expects more, considering the twosome are real-life friends and basically playing themselves. Everett fares best, pulling out all the stops in a reprise of his previous gay role in 'My Best Friend's Wedding'. Madonna's performance, on the other hand, is constantly inhibited by her mega-star status. It is sadly impossible to forget that she is none other than Ms. Ciccone, meaning that her desperate-for-love character appears somewhat implausible.

The script is a clunker, rendering the first half-hour of the movie cliche-ridden and woodenly acted, as the actors have little to work with. To be fair, it does get better as it becomes less predictable, and it is a good move by director Schlesinger to avoid playing the conventional happy ending card, instead prompting the viewer to ponder for themselves the futures of Abbie, Robert, and their son, Sam (Malcolm Stumpf). This cannot, however, excuse several fatal blunders, including the fact the Next Best Thing suffers from an identity crisis, flailing wildly every which way from forced rom-com humour to courtroom drama, not helped by Abbie's sudden and bizarre personality change mid-film. Perhaps irresponsibly, the script also allows Sam (a rather old-looking 5 year old) little emotional reaction to the troubles between his parents.

Although watchable, with reasonable enough performances, the mediocre script fails to convince, leaving the viewer with a frustrated sense of what should have resulted from a potentially interesting Hollywood pitch.

This movie is a huge failure thanks to Madonna'a inability to overcome her own superego, the screenwriters inability to give the (ha, ha) actors something meaningful to say, and John Schlesinger's impending state of dotage.

There is not a single moment of real human interaction, movie magic, or genuine emotion.

Madonna heads up the torture squad and brings actors Everett and Bratt down to her level of non-talent. Old professionals Lynn Redgrave and hubby Josef Sommer do not bring anything either.

I have to conclude that Madonna has a day job she is good at. She certainly earned her Razzie Award as Worst Actress.

Sad that a director of such masterpieces as "Darling" and "Midnight Cowboy" can be responsible for such garbage.

I hope everyone had a lousy time making it - I certainly had a lousy time watching it and why should the viewer be made to suffer the most?