Bitch Slap!!! was the worst movie ever, the storyline was pointless, I throw the movie into the bin how bad it was!!! the movie was based on THREE women in the desert looking for a sword that meant nothing. Only to Trixie. I hope they will not make a second one as the ending was terrible. Trixie plays the worst part being innocent so she can just have the sword, that was buried in the desert. The only funny scene in the whole movie was when they have the biggest fight at the end to see who was the strongest one. Bitch Slap wouldn't be appropriate to watch with family. Maybe with friends but if they like pointless movies. The movie did have some funny lines that did make you laugh at times, it had a lot of action in the movie which was good because of that it keep you entertaining though out the movie.

If you took the look of Maxim magazine, the sound of a devoutly Mormon Quentin Tarantino and the soul of an empty plastic bottle of Sprite, threw them all into a tin pot and then blasted the pot with a WWII flamethrower, the melted-together mess would be something like Bitch Slap. This thing is like a B movie/exploitation flick made by people who've never actually seen a B movie/exploitation flick. It's about nothing but sex, violence and bad language where the sex is tamer than a 6 week old kitten, the violence is about as exciting as watching an episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and the bad language goes to such absurd lengths of euphemism that it leaves you longing for the bluntness of porn dialog.

There are twin plot lines in this disaster. One concerns Trixie, Hel and Camero (Julia Voth, Erin Cummings and America Olivo), three tarted-up bad girls who drive into the dessert looking for the treasure of Gage (Michael Hurst), the guy wearing a thong they've got stashed in the trunk of their car. The other is a series of flashbacks that move backward in time, like that episode of Seinfeld, detailing the who, what and why of the first storyline. That dual approach gets really old, really fast but there are so many other things wrong with Bitch Slap that it doesn't even make the Top 10 list of how this film sucks.

That list would be as follows…

1. There is only one pair of naked breasts in this entire film and they don't belong to any of the starring actresses.

2. There is only one so-called sex scene in the entire film and both participants remain fully clothed the entire time.

3. Michael Hurst is, far and away, the best thing in the entire production. I like the guy and all that…but come on!

4. The flashbacks look like Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, if that movie's budget had been $67.50.

5. The filmmakers rip off The Usual Suspects, though they don't even deserve to say the name "Keyser Soze".

6. The entire production thinks it's waaaay funnier than it really is.

7. The fight scenes look like a cross between pro wrestling and the fight scenes on the original Star Trek.

8. Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor show up for one scene and DON'T make out.

9. Kevin Sorbo shows up and looks like he got paid for this movie in Prozac.

10. The same two characters fight the same climactic battle twice.

The most pitiful thing about Bitch Slap is that the whole thing is constantly straining to be over the top and outrageous, yet only manages to wander in the general vicinity of that on two occasions. Once with a razor-tipped yo-yo and once when a woman gets bitten in the crotch. Other than that, this film is never more over-the-top or controversial than an episode of Blossom.

Bitch Slap was made by some guys who worked on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess. They apparently set out to create some R-rated trashy, campy fun. What they ended up making was a PG-13 version of those same TV shows.

It begins with one of our heroines sitting bruised and broken in the middle of carnage and looking up and wondering aloud how it all came to this.

I was wondering the same thing.

This is a send up/homage/satire of the bad girls gone worse genre that Russ Meyer did so well (for some tastes anyway). It has three well endowed girls going after a fortune held by a crime lord and chronicles the death and destruction that follows. Its very tongue in cheek with an over abundance of close ups of the female form, pithy dialog and lots of violence.

The trouble is that the film is essentially sending up material that was sending itself up to start. Meyer was a very knowing filmmaker and its kind of hard to be any more knowing then he was. The other trouble is that in order to send up the material the filmmakers here have tried to take an intentionally "bad" take on some things. the bump up and inflate things to the point of silliness. The trouble was that the type of film that they are sending up were more often then not played painfully straight which is what made them so much fun. If you play the material with any sort of real knowing the films become unbearable (Russ Meyer was one of the very few people who ever managed to make the knowingness work).

I found the film to be a waste of my time. I get the jokes, I get the idea behind it (I could probably quote you the films this is riffing on) but I don't think it works at all. No thats not true, this is a five minute SNL sketch stretched to 100 minutes. This is one of the couple dozen recent and semi recent films that have been made in the wake of Quentin Tarantino's re-purposing exploitation classics as mainstream films (think Grindhouse, Kill Bill or Inglorious Basterds). Everyone seems to think that they can do what Tarantino does, but its clear that few people understand that he's not just sending up the schlock masterpieces but taking the good parts and making something more out of them (And as much as I complain about Tarantino I must insist that I do so because I think he is wasting his talent).

Frankly there are better ways to spend your time, like watching a Russ Meyer film or one of the real exploitation films this film tries to emulate and send up (Better yet, go find one of the films by the late great Claudia Jennings and you'll see how unnecessary this film was).