This is a totally weird 60s rock-n-roll musical send-up of Romeo and Juliet centering on two squabbling islands: Beatland and Ballad Isle. Intergalactic ambassador Wilco Roger is summoned to resolve the differences between the communities, employing the tactic of uniting a Beatland boy and a Ballad Isle girl; if he is unsuccessful he faces exile to Planet Gonk (inhabited by some strange doll-like creatures that apparently were based on a popular toy of the time). Despite the presence of Ginger Baker, Jack Bruce, Graham Bond and Lulu, the music here is nothing special. The music by the Beatlanders is typical of mid 60s rock rave-ups (watch for the lead singer/guitarist for The Long and the Short doing his best "Enzyte Bob" impression during their number "Love is a Funny Thing"!) , while the music favored by Ballad Isle consists of some of the sappiest ballads imaginable (the best way I could describe them would be to imagine the late 50s light pop group The Fleetwoods on Prozac). We're also treated to musical sequences featuring a band playing instrumental rock while driving down a deserted airstrip and a nine drummer prison jam session (neither of which serve much purpose other than padding the movie's run time) and a wacky "battle" sequence between both factions with musical instruments used as weapons. All this leads to the Golden Guitar contest pitting both islands against each other (which usually ends in a draw). Lulu's song "I'm the Only One" is pleasant but not exactly memorable, and The Nashville Teens' "Poor Boy" comes nowhere close to matching their hit "Tobacco Road". The bargain basement budget is readily apparent in the cheap set designs and the minimal special effects (watch for Wilco Roger ducking into the cloud of smoke as he makes his first entrance). If there was anything resembling a highlight here it would be the opening credits sequence featuring the Gonks grooving among construction paper/contact paper animation (to the song "Choc Ice", sung by Lulu with her voice altered almost to the point where she starts sounding like Cartman); it's pretty much all downhill after that.

The Great Galaxian (who he?) is troubled that planet Earth has split into two places, Beatland and Balladisle, so he sends an ambassador to try and bring peace to the warring musical tribes. He sends Wilco Roger (that's about the film's level of humour) who is notorious for not being good at his job. As played by Kenneth Connor he's also rather irritating. To no one's surprise he succeeds. On the way there are lots of music and a Romeo and Juliet romance, which is quite insipid. Unfortunately the music is not that memorable, the dancing embarrassing and the acting is a bit pallid. Terry Scott mugs in his usual annoying way. Frank Thornton as A&R Man just about manages to keep his dignity. The sets are colourful so it looks appealing but that's about the only thing in the film's favour.

The only time the movie comes alive is during the 'Drum Battle' sequence which is most exciting.

As far as I can make out, "gonks" were very popular, stuffed furry toys in Britain during the 1960s. But in the 1965 British sci-fi musical "Gonks Go Beat," they are also the inhabitants of planet Gonk, the Siberia of the galaxy, where washouts from the galactic Space Congress are sent as punishment. And that is precisely what will happen to agent Wilco Roger (inanely played by Kenneth Connor, of the "Carry On" films) if he fails in his current mission: to bring together the diametrically opposed inhabitants of Earth's Beat Land island and Ballad Isle. To accomplish this seemingly impossible task (the residents of Beat Land are proto-hipsters who only dig high-powered rock and blues; those on Ballad Isle prefer incredibly insipid music of the show tune variety), Wilco--with the assistance of a Wizard of Oz-like character known only as Mr. A & R--hatches a scheme, a la "Romeo and Juliet," to unite the two lands. Anyway, "Gonks Go Beat" is practically indescribable; I guarantee that you have never seen a picture quite like it. Basically an excuse to showcase a slew of British musical numbers (and a generous 16 such are offered up; half rockers, half ballads), the film is otherwise an inane, somewhat boring, occasionally trippy outing that certainly serves as a time capsule of sorts for what passed as "mod" in 1965. The ballads on display here range from excruciating ("Love Is a Dream") to incredibly wimpy ("Broken Pieces") to pleasant ("Penny For Your Thoughts"). As for the rockers, the highlights (for this old Cream fan, anyway) are certainly the Graham Bond Organisation (featuring Jack Bruce on bass and Ginger Baker on drums) pounding out "Harmonica," as well as a segment entitled "Drum Battle," in which Ginger and seven other skin pounders are lined up in two rows, facing each other, and just go at it. Ultimately, the two island nations agree on one song that is agreeable to them both, "Takes Two to Make Love," an upbeat, pleasant but decidedly Broadway show tunish number that should satisfy very few. Take the legendary 1964 film "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and combine with an episode of the then-popular TV program "Shindig!" and you'll have a rough approximation of what to expect here. Good luck with this one!