I remember my parents telling me they liked this movie a lot after seeing it on Sky Movies . So what you ask ? Well it turns out my parents absolutely detest football so as entertainment this must have a lot more going for it than just soccer

What becomes clear very early on is that it's not really a sports movie it's a prison movie as former England international Danny Meehan ( Vinnie Jones ) is jailed for three years for assault . To be honest the screenplay exaggerates the English/British penal system somewhat as Danny is assaulted by sadistic screws and rubs shoulders with inmates doing 30 years and meeting Monk who has killed at least 23 people

But who said this was a documentary ? It's entertainment for the masses and it does succeed . It's interesting to note that that this was based on an American movie from the mid 1970s and the Brits have done a far better job adapting this than the Americans did with those two movies that starred Michael Caine and by some irony the only real problem this movie suffers from at a producer level is that it's perhaps a little too parochial , I mean would anyone in America understand what the characters are saying ? And since one of the producers is Guy Ritchie he deserves some congratulations to passing the directing helm to Barry Skolnick and letting him direct his way . Weren't audiences getting tired of people emulating Guy Ritchie's directing style by 2001 ? As it stands we have only a recurring cast from LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING Barrels to suggest Ritchie had much of a hand in it

So congratulations to the producers for making a relatively entertaining and commercial British movie . When I come to think about the idea of re-making a mainly forgotten American movie starring Burt Reynolds seems like a stupid idea but it works . I bet this movie will still be more highly regarded this time than the Hollywood remake THE LONGEST YARD which is released this week

"Mean Machine" is an all Brit flick about a former soccer hero who goes to prison and is coerced into leading the prisoners to victory in a football match against the guards. A schizophrenic film which straddles the comedy/drama divide like two ballroom dancers listening to different music; one doing salsa, the other a waltz, neither very well, "MM" manages okay art and technicals but fails in execution. May have some appeal among soccer enthusiasts. Wait for broadcast. (D+)

I knew this title mainly because of the lead actor, and that it had football involved somewhere, so I watched it. Basically ex-England football captain Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan (Vinnie Jones) is in jail for drunken driving and assault on two police officers, but because of his celebrity status he isn't much liked by all the other inmates, especially as he let them down in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down for a little while until the opportunity to change the lives of the prisoners by putting one over on the guards. Led by Danny, the prisoners are trained ready to face the guards in a football match. So it comes to the match, and not even the death of Doc (David Kelly) gets them down, and they start really well. There is a point when Danny is threatened by the Governor (David Hemmings) that he could get a longer sentence, as he might have been involved in Doc's death, but he knows they have to win, and it is after they win that opponent Burton (Cape Wrath's Ralph Brown) gets him out of trouble to enjoy victory. Also starring Creep's Vas Blackwood as Massive, Robbie Gee as Trojan, Geoff Bell as Ratchett, Footballer's Wives' John Forgeham as Charlie Sykes, Smack the Pon's Sally Phillips as Tracey, Danny Dyer as Billy the Limpet, Jason Statham as Monk, Omid Djalili as Raj and Jason Flemyng as Bob Likely. Jones is a good rough character, and all the supporting actors, particularly Hemmings, Sykes and Statham add good support, while it takes a little while to get to, the football game, well, and maybe a little of the training for it, is fun to watch, a real boys movie. Good!