The Garbage Pail Kids Movie 1987 PG

I'm sure a lot of us remember the Garbage Pail Kids. Especially us old geezers like me who grew up in the 80's. They were like the grotesque, mutant versions of the cute little Cabbage Patch Kids. Essentially, they were the Cabbage Patch Kids made for boys. Instead of unnervingly cute dolls, they were fun and gross collections of art printed on cards, like baseball cards. Printed by Topps, who made baseball cards. And no, they weren't like those modern Garbage Pail Kids, the ones we had in the 80's were fvcking nasty. Cards laden with feces, vomit, mutilation of others, self-mutilation, gore, violence, and just about the sickest crap you could come up with. That's why they were so great. The recent GPK cards they've made are just plain stupid. Trust me, these new cards are like making a PG-rated Predator film. That's how tame they are compared to the past ones.

Of course, as with anything that's even remotely popular, some genius decides that, hey, there should be a movie to go along with this latest fad. Now, a lot of things that seemed like fads or trends that get turned into movies typically get turned into… crappy movies. And this has to be one of the worst. The rude, crude, vile, disgusting, offensive Garbage Pail Kids are little more than gross misunderstood aliens who… (sigh) live in a garbage can. Believe it or not, the main focus of this film is about a boy trying to impress some shallow skank with, what else, 80's fashion sense. That's right! The Garbage Pail Kids film is about fashionable clothing! Not that any of this stuff is fashionable in the least! In reality, it's disgusting! More disgusting than the pathetically tame Garbage Pail Kids who, and I'm not making this up, actually have a sing-along number wherein they sing about the joys and benefits of teamwork and helping people. And they design "killer 80's clothes!" The film is the very definition of shlock!

Alright, the reason I saw this is because my wife found it in some DVD discount bin (big surprise, I know) for what must have been 27 cents and got it as a stocking-stuffer for my three-year old son last Christmas. This film is so wretchedly bad, it's almost indescribable. The acting is bad, the atmosphere is bad, the special effects are bad, the music is cheesy (bad cheesy), and the story is ludicrous to say the least. The Garbage Pail Kids aren't even gross, offensive, or for that matter, interesting. A lot of one-liners and cheap gags that do nothing but agonize the living. Honestly, what little boy who enjoyed little cards of pudgy little girls bleeding to death and disgusting corpses doing stuff would want to watch a puny little movie about teamwork, loving the ugly, and 80's fashion? If ever there was a film that "missed the point," it was this mess. Only for the cinematic brave, I gave it a two only for the sheer wackiness of it's very existence.

2/10

If you were a boy growing up in the 1980s, you likely collected the Garbage Pail Kids trading cards. I was obsessed with them, and I even got to see this movie when it was released. I didn't remember a thing about it, but I was aware that it now has a reputation as one of the worst movies ever made. And, boy howdy, does it deserve it! This thing is simply dreadful. It brings to life seven of the trading card characters in all their disgusting glory, making them impossibly hideous dwarfs with hydrocephalic domes. Ushering them into the world is Sean Astin's younger brother Mackenzie, who uses their skills at clothing design (?!) to impress an older girl (Katie Barberi, quite attractive). She uses his affection to pass the clothes off as her designs. The film's attempts at humor are predictably juvenile, but I doubt I found them even close to funny, even as an 8 year-old. The movie isn't boring, but it's mind-numbingly awful. A must-see for anyone who likes bad movies, though, be warned, this is far from being so bad it's good. It's so bad it's soul-crushing!

Dodger must confront the struggles of life as he is visited by the Garbage Pail Kids and intimidated by some older bullies.

Although apparently later owned by Orion and then MGM, this film was originally produced and distributed by Atlantic Entertainment Group. At this point, they had some minor hits with "Valley Girl", "Teen Wolf" and "Night of the Comet", but were never a major player. Not surprisingly, within two years of this film coming out, they were defunct.

Rod Amateau directed, produced, and co-wrote the film. He had not made any other films of note, but had a distinguished career going back decades in television. Interestingly, this was his final film -- despite living almost another 20 years. Was it a career killer? Amateau had as his right-hand man John Carl Buechler, which was the right choice, although given the film's focus on puppets, Buechler's involvement (not to mention Phil Fondacaro) give it the feeling of a Charles Band film. And that is never a good thing.

In fact, Buechler was involved before even Amateau, and in some ways had more to do with the final product. Apparently the Chiodo Brothers ("Killer Klowns") were contacted and passed, and next in line was John Carl Buechler, who was fresh off of "Troll". He was briefly considered as not just the effects guy but also the director, but his vision was too dark. He thought of the Kids as monsters, not something lovable, and the studio disagreed. He reflects, "The best stuff in the movie is them farting and blowing snot on each other... but it had to walk this line of being a gentle fairy tale." He thinks the blend was a bad idea, and he is probably right.

Buechler was the one who brought in Phil Fondacaro, and Phil brought in the "little people" he knew. So indirectly, Buechler not only created the Kids, but provided the actors who would play them. Buechler also brought in John Criswell, who had done effects for "Re-Animator" and "From Beyond", and has since gone on to bigger things like "The hangover". And William Butler, who is a terrible human being, but an important part of horror history, with all that he has designed, written, directed and acted in since the mid-80s.

The film was universally panned, receiving overwhelmingly negative reviews, and is widely considered to be one of the worst films ever made. Caryn James of The New York Times called the film "too repulsive for children or adults of any age", and it sits very, very low on both Rotten Tomatoes and IMDb. This abysmal (and fair) criticism aside, 2015-2016 welcomed a small resurgence of Garbage Pail Kids, with new cards coming out, and a very positive retrospective written in HorrorHound magazine. Indeed, the film can now be looked back upon as a strange moment in 1980s history, or what star Mackenzi Astin calls "what-the-f***ery".

Scream Factory found this to be the right time to release the film on blu-ray, and if there ever was a right time this may have been it. The film, as truly awful as it is, does seem better now (2016) than when it first came out. Even as a child I thought it was terrible, but now it has just a twinkle of nostalgia to make it palatable. The Scream disc comes with a few interviews of varying length and quality. The brief interview with Buechler is good, as he is not afraid of being honest. The real gem of this release, however is the interview with Mackenzie Astin. He talks freely for approximately 30 minutes and has countless stories to share about his father, his co-stars and more. If the movie might not be enough to make you buy the disc, his interview should be.