After a devastating family tragedy - my copy still doesn't have the VFX done but I can assume it must have been pretty awful - Father Jones loses his faith and moves to China, as you do. A dying woman gives him a dragon tooth and soon, he learns that he can transform into a raptor. At first, he's horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight ninjas.

If you don't want to watch this movie after that first paragraph, you may want to rethink coming to our site. This is a $35,000 epic begging for you to devour it.

When he comes back to America, he saves a prostitute named Carol (Alyssa Kempinski) from some muggers by tearing them apart. They make love, which goes against his vow of celibacy. And then, when her pimp confesses that he's the one who killed our hero's parents, well, all bets are off. The VelociPastor has a new mission from God and it involves killing lots of people, including a rogue sect of ninja Knights Templar.

I completely expected to hate this movie, seeing it as SyFy or Troma level dreck. To me surprise, it's cunningly in on the joke and understands exactly the kind of movie that it is. Throw in an utterly bonkers overly edited lovemaking sequence and you have a movie I'll be telling people about for the next few weeks.

The funniest part of the film - there are many - was when the church brings in an exorcist, played by animator/musician/toy designer/renaissance man Voltaire. Look - any movie where ninjas battle prostitutes and priests is going to be anything but boring. Pretty cool for a movie that came out of a trailer from 2011!

Don't worry, the spirit of the filmmakers are sitting next to you as you watch The VelociPastor winking and nudging and laughing the entire time. In other words, they're in on the joke and you should be too. The VelociPastor is as ridiculously fun as you'd hope it would be with a boyish, soft spoken priest (a perfectly cast Greg Cohan) obtaining the ability to turn into a vicious, flesh eating, and very corny looking dinosaur. The film plays out like a Saturday morning cartoon meets Troma, which makes it the perfect midnight movie with some weed or beer. Alyssa Kempinski is so good as Carol, the hooker. It's a limited role, but her performance is surprisingly very sweet and touching at times, and she shows some real talent here. Some of the many highlights include a workout montage featuring very short shorts, a ridiculous, multiple split screen love scene, a pimp with an epic comb over, a hilarious Vietnam War flashback, and ninjas. Just sit back and laugh, The VelociPastor is wonderfully dumb and very funny.

I fully expected to go into this movie finding it too ridiculous to review seriously. And yeah, in a way I was right. "Velocipastor" is ridiculous, it can't be taken seriously but I enjoyed every minute of it. It becomes clear very early that this movie means to be over-the-top. Much like classic horror comedies in the past, "Full Moon High", and "Pandemonium", this film knows it is absurd comedy and total cheese.

Brendan Steere understands perfectly well the type of film he is making, and he was smart enough to gather a cast and crew who were in on the joke too. Some of the acting obviously falls short and it is a tightrope walk getting this story from scene one to the end without total collapse. Still, somehow, everything holds together with fun, entertaining craziness. And genuine laughs.

The effects are a blend of cheap CGI and low tech practical effects that fit inbetween gaming graphics and Adult Swim stuff. It would have been cool if more focus on creating a darker raptor had been taken, but still, it is a movie about a young priest turning into a dinosaur so the puppet/costume seems fitting. I have to add that "Velocipastor" has a cool soundtrack. And the whole music video montage in the center was entertaining as heck!

Overall this isn't gonna be everyone's take on "Velocipastor". And I get it, a lot of people can only get into spoof horror if it has a big budget to sell the jokes. I enjoyed this film. It is silly, over-the-top, and entertaining. It doesn't take itself serious but everyone involved were serious about creating this tongue-in-cheek bit of satire.